The Pain of loving someone

So I was in a dark place a couple years ago. Life falling apart, everyone and everything was against me or so it felt. One true friend reached out to me and told me I had to do something for her and go to a 12 dungeon event. She knew me very well and made me promise to go. The thing she wanted me to do was bring her bff/life partner up for the event. Well she did not trust a stranger and she got a ride from someone else up. I still went as there were others I wanted to see. I am a Dom, people say there may be a little bottom in my pinky toe, that being said I am a Sadomasochist so I need the pain sometimes too, one of the people I trusted to do that was going to be there. So we sat and talked and set up our scene. Man did she beat the shit out of my back till it was all black and purple. The person (I will call RS) who asked me to come introduced me to her life partner and I was struck a little dumb from her. RS told everyone that I have full negotiating power for her life partner and I was able to talk directly with her (I will call PB). PB and I talk and she wanted a knife scene with me so we talked and planned it out. We ended up with a large crowd watching our scene people were commenting how erotic and passionate and close we were. It was magical. The rest of the night was great and after the event I went to my hotel alone. I was to give PB a ride home the next day. We both live 3 hours drive away from where the event was. So her I was in my truck talking with this amazing person for 3 hour and we were laughing and everything. By the time we got home I was going to take the role of her Daddy Dom, and her my age regression little. We also agreed that we were going to keep our emotions as close friends and a nonsexual relationship, yes I am a very sexual person but it felt right. We grew together and got close and cared for each other. Now comes Christmas, PB is home alone and gets scared so I go out and stay with her. I do have to work the next day and I get up and go to work. I had not been there more than 10 min and she calls me crying, scared and confused. I tell my boss I have to go and I make the 45 min drive in 20 min still don’t know how. She had passed out and hit the floor. Needless I took care of her, yes she has a boyfriend and he was not there to help, but I did everything. It was at that point I knew I was in true love with her. She has many medical issues but that day I felt so needed and wanted I had found something not many do. But as we all know when something feels good and right someone has to try and distroy it. There is a large age Gap with us of 19 years. I am the same age as her father. Someone did not like the fact I was 100% there for her and they told her father all about me how she met me and everything. He called her and went off on her, and essentially kicked out of the family. This was deviation to us and to her, so she recolled from it all and stopped talking to me. I still send Good Morning and Goodnight to her every day letting her know I was still there when she needed me. Several months go by we chat a little here or there.

I get a call at a family dinner it was PB she was stick in a small town 1.5hours away having a bad panic attack. I tell my family I have to go and drive there to get her. She is in a very bad state of panic. I sit and talk with her and calm her just by hugging her. No I have not told her how much she means to me at this point. But even RS has told me I should tell her. When we get her home she is crying all the way home. I pull up and get out of the truck and hold her and tell her that I truly love everything thing about her and how amazing she is. Telling her that I am truly in love with her and start to cry myself. Things start to get better then come summer she has another emotional breakdown can not handle everything and asks we we can go to friends for not because she can not handle her life. I agree even to this point we have kept it nonsexual. We had become so close it was like we were tied together with the strings of fate.

She stopped talking to me suddenly and started saying things that made no sense to me or others as to why. Some of our friends got us together for a Christmas shopping day and got us matching bears, she got Jack Skeletin and I got Sally. As we are a match as they put. Now it’s 4 days to Valentine’s day, and she would soon talk to someone she says she hates than to me. I am a broken man. I miss her. I still love her and will always be there for her. She is intertwined with my soul and there is no way to undo that. So here I sit. Listening to a clock tick asking myself is it worth loving someone so deeply that it hurts to breathe without them. There is only one answer to that and it is